Love without expectation. I read that phrase this last week, and I was challenged by how often I, we, love with expectation. We give love when everything is how we want it to be, we withhold love when our expectations are not met. I was challenged in my own heart with scenarios where I've been let down by this one or that one, where expectations have not been met or have been disregarded (seemingly so casually - which I don't get. I'm so hard-wired to keep my commitments...). Sometimes my disappointment is on behalf of others (which technically would be called "picking up an offense" which is none of my business). Do I withhold love in these situations because I am disappointed in them? Or do I love without expectation?
God loves ME without expectation. Until I grasp that, it is hard for me to do the same. This is a continual work in progress for me. However, I do it naturally with my children. I love them no matter what. There are things they do which may cause me not to trust them or like them temporarily, but I never stop deeply caring for and loving them. I can't fathom that. Can I love others the same way?
With God, when I accept His love without expectation, I am then free to be. To be who I am, to do what I do. That's where my actions, my work, my effort can flow freely, without expectation, but with expectancy. Expectancy of the end result. Expectancy of the joy it will bring. Expectancy of the satisfaction my contribution will make. Expectancy of a job well done. Expectancy of the love that will be felt. Expectancy of the "this is my daughter in whom I am well pleased".
When I feel disappointed or let down, I will love anyway. I will believe the best. This will be a challenge. When I feel irritated or upset, I will ask myself, "Is it because of some expectation I had?" and I will let go and love anyway.
This doesn't let people off the hook for what they do wrong, but it lets me off the hook for suffering from their sin. Whoa. When I am angry when others fail in what is expected, I am the one who suffers for their sin. I suffer enough with my own sin, why would I want to suffer with someone elses?
Let's try to live and love without expectation, but with expectancy. That sounds a whole lot happier way to live. [I have to admit, my nature is not yet perfected because I struggle with the thought "nothing will get done then", but I am trusting that true love begets true action, and that as I love truly, I will see the fruit of it in my life and in others]. In the meantime, I am going to receive true love, give true love, act in true love - the best that I can as I grow in love.
Up for the challenge?
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Well, well, well. You certainly opened a can of worms!
ReplyDeleteI have had 2 conversations recently that have to do with your blog. One was w/ a daughter who was visiting me recently. :O)
Our conversation acknowledged that we both felt God loved us without expectancy. Yet when we looked at others, we placed our expectations on them. We both marveled at how our "human-ness" causes us to stumble in our relationships.
I am at a place where I am assured that God loves me. Period. So, when I look at the people who are causing me great anguish at the moment, can I not assume that God loves them the same way? Period!
Ouch!
If I accept that, then my prayers for them change! There is not a me/them attitude. Only an "us" attitude. Lord love "us" completely. Chastened "us" as your beloved. Transform "us" for Your pleasure.
The second thought has to do with other's expectations of me. I have decided to look forward, and not back at offenses. I do not want to be burdened with "setting the wrongs right." I will leave that up to God. Having said that, another, very close to me (husband), is very disappointed that I am "giving up" and not holding the offenders accountable. So, I think this is where suffering for Christ comes in. When we obey the leading of the Holy Spirit, it may cost us the admiration of those we love. They may not understand. They may have expectations for us that we cannot meet. So, whose expectations are we going to run after?
As for me, I will follow God and trust Him to change hearts. That is what He is good at. Those are my expectations!
WOW....I Love a Good Challenge!! I am trying to wrap my mind around this concept. Your terminology is a little over my head. I had to disect it down, so I looked up the difference of Expectation vs. Expectancy. The definitions are virtually the same. Both are the "State of Expecting"or Anticipation. So I'm still confused?? I'm going to treat them as the same word.
ReplyDeleteI know that God loves me "unconditionally" w/o expectations. I don't have to do anything special. Do I Love the people in my life like this? NO...I am only human. Can I try to Rise to a Higher Level of True Love?? This is yet to be seen....This is the Challenge that God has presented to me.....
Thanks for presenting this thought provoking topic.