What Kind of Faithfulness Do We Have?

We are very proud to call ourselves "the church", to take on the identity of Christ's body, removing ourselves from the perceived stigma of simply being an organized entity. "I don't go to church, but we are the church". But if the distinction is so precious to us, do we really contemplate what it means?

If we are Christ's body, we are in sacred union with GOD. I don't know about you, but in my mind and heart, this is no small matter.

I read a book recenty on marriage, and I was struck by the similarities between the struggles in marriage and struggles in the Church. It is grievous that the Church has statistically eclipsed the world's divorce rate - we are now leading the pack - and the reasons for divorce mirror some of the issues that the Church experiences on a regular basis.

Some reasons given for divorce:

• God told me to leave my spouse (yes, people actually have said this)
• Marriage is just an institution, and I want relationship
• I'm just not happy in this relationship
• You are holding me back from succeeding (amazing)
• I've been seeing someone else (also a common problem)
• I've changed, my needs have changed
• You've changed and I don't like change
• It's too hard to stay
• I've wasted my time in this relationship
• This relationships isn't exciting enough

...same reasons people give for leaving a church

You get the drift. We can all find ways to try and justify unfaithfulness, and we can sound self-righteous while doing so. But when a covenant relationship is entered into, it's for keeps. Perhaps the permissibility of divorce within our Church culture, and the underlying lack of faithfulness, is the root of the same struggle for faithfulness in the Church? It is so much easier to give up, move on, or make an exchange than to do the nitty gritty hard work of keeping a relationship together. Will it always get better if you try? No. Does that excuse the covenant made?

The devastation of divorce is real, and there is a devastation in Churches when they experience faithflessness. I'm often saddened by the callousness of people to the pain Churches, Pastors, leaders and friends experience as a result of faithflessness - but I can't say I'm surprised.

Can we turn the tide? Can we reverse the trend of divorce in the Church? Can we strengthen the faithfulness of peoples hearts in relationship to one another? I believe it is possible - anything is possible if we believe. So we will continue, one marriage, one relationship at a time. And in the meantime, I'll be checking my own heart.

The Challenge: Love Without Expectation

Love without expectation. I read that phrase this last week, and I was challenged by how often I, we, love with expectation. We give love when everything is how we want it to be, we withhold love when our expectations are not met. I was challenged in my own heart with scenarios where I've been let down by this one or that one, where expectations have not been met or have been disregarded (seemingly so casually - which I don't get. I'm so hard-wired to keep my commitments...). Sometimes my disappointment is on behalf of others (which technically would be called "picking up an offense" which is none of my business). Do I withhold love in these situations because I am disappointed in them? Or do I love without expectation?

God loves ME without expectation. Until I grasp that, it is hard for me to do the same. This is a continual work in progress for me. However, I do it naturally with my children. I love them no matter what. There are things they do which may cause me not to trust them or like them temporarily, but I never stop deeply caring for and loving them. I can't fathom that. Can I love others the same way?

With God, when I accept His love without expectation, I am then free to be. To be who I am, to do what I do. That's where my actions, my work, my effort can flow freely, without expectation, but with expectancy. Expectancy of the end result. Expectancy of the joy it will bring. Expectancy of the satisfaction my contribution will make. Expectancy of a job well done. Expectancy of the love that will be felt. Expectancy of the "this is my daughter in whom I am well pleased".

When I feel disappointed or let down, I will love anyway. I will believe the best. This will be a challenge. When I feel irritated or upset, I will ask myself, "Is it because of some expectation I had?" and I will let go and love anyway.

This doesn't let people off the hook for what they do wrong, but it lets me off the hook for suffering from their sin. Whoa. When I am angry when others fail in what is expected, I am the one who suffers for their sin. I suffer enough with my own sin, why would I want to suffer with someone elses?

Let's try to live and love without expectation, but with expectancy. That sounds a whole lot happier way to live. [I have to admit, my nature is not yet perfected because I struggle with the thought "nothing will get done then", but I am trusting that true love begets true action, and that as I love truly, I will see the fruit of it in my life and in others]. In the meantime, I am going to receive true love, give true love, act in true love - the best that I can as I grow in love.

Up for the challenge?

Staying Offended Never Works Out

Offenses never work to our benefit.

After 30+ years of Christianity and nearly 20 years in active ministry, this has always been true. I have never, let me say it again, never known an offense to work out to anyone's benefit. Whether justified or not, if we don't forgive offenses, they work against us every time.

It used to make me mad when people stayed offended with me, but after seeing the consequences eat away at so many lives, I am usually left with a deep sadness for the offended person. Notice I make a distinction between being offended and staying offended. We all get offended. The Bible says that's normal. The problem is when we hold on to the offense.

Psalm 9: 15-16 says "The nations have sunk down in the pit which they made. In the net which they hid, their own foot is caught. The Lord is known by the judgement He executes. The wicked is snared in the work of his own hands. Meditation." - think about that!

From observation, and my own personal experience with offense, I would say that offense unforgiven lays a net that is hidden from view. Pretty soon we don't see it anymore, we forget about it, and then we find ourselves tripping in it, tangled up in it. We find ourselves dealing with upset of some kind in our lives and wonder where it's coming from, not recognizing the net we are caught in.

On the flip side, when an offense is forgiven, there is nothing left to trip us up.

It's painful to see people you care about caught in a net of offense, especially when they say they've forgiven. There is nothing I can do but pray for God to show them what's tripping them up. Unforgiven offense is the devils playground.

If you are struggling with offense, you may be kicking and screaming right now about the need for the offender to repent, to see their wrong. "What about what they did or said, or didn't do or didn't say?". If you don't forgive (true forgiveness is not dependent on what the other person does or says), you are going to cut your own foot off as it loses circulation in that net. Then I suppose it will be the "offenders" fault?

When I forgive those who have offended me, I do my part to free them from their own mess they have made. It is the most effective way of effecting change in someone - much more so than staying offended. Do people always change when I forgive them? Not always, but sometimes they do. And at least I am free from suffering in my offense.

Hebrews 11:6 was a verse ministered on Sunday morning, and it reads, in part "...God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him".
Psalm 9:10 sayks "And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You."

I want to know the reward of seeking Him, not the reward of my own offense. I put my trust in the Lord when I forgive those who have offended me, and it positions me in a place of security in Him who does not forsake me. (Psalm 27:9-10).

Are you offended? Forgive, let go, free yourself. Are you trapped in your offense? Pray to the Lord for help, forgive your offender, be restored and healed. Are you an offender? Repent, seek restoration and keep a soft heart of grace.

Life is so much sweeter without the annoying, cloying baggage of offense hanging on us.